A Satire Manifesto Posted on May 20, 2017May 20, 2017 The only thing necessary for the triumph of flawed ideas is for cynics to believe in something. 1. Satire is falsificationism. But with style. 2. Satire only ever knocks down, it never builds up. 3. Discriminate against everyone to discriminate amongst everything. 4. Satire is enriched through complaint and heightened through condemnation. 5. Funny partisan political opinions ain’t satire. 6. Facts fragilise satire. 7. To parody actions you may safely fake them, but to parody statements you need to literally make them. 8. We can’t detect all flaws, but censorship helps us miss more of them. 9. It’s not just that the emperor has no clothes, but that nobody has any clothes: a scene we should all enjoy. 10. You have no claim on what you don’t piss on. 11. If you’re not trying to destroy your own ideas, you’re trying to be fooled. 12. Transcendence happens when you can laugh at yourself. This is easier for white men. 13. Dance like nobody’s watching. 14. You don’t have to lack expert knowledge to do satire, but it helps. 15. Satire has no blind-spots but plenty of friendly fire. 16. Satire doesn’t hurt. Except emotionally, psychologically and politically. Luckily this doesn’t harm anyone. 17. Interjection. Subject all subjects to abject mockery. Blanket dejection trajects subjectivity to objectivity. 18. Play for laughs, not points. 19. Never convince, perturb. 20. Not making fun of others is abuse. What else do you call not disabusing someone? 21. Mockery is attempted falsification. 22. People say satire shouldn’t punch down. True, it can be bad on your back. Try a low spinning sweep kick. 23. Even the weak and destitute are usually wrong. 24. It is easier than ever to donate money to us. 25. Wit has its place, but even the lofty Greeks were wise enough to know the value of dick jokes. 26. Everyone’s a hypocrite so merely attacking someone for hypocrisy makes you a higher type, a hypercrite. 27. Satirically speaking, “first do all harm”: an anti-hypercritic oath. 28. Never inform. 29. Satire is to freedom of speech as scrutineering is to democracy. 30. Hiding flawed statements hides their flaws. 31. The satirist who aims to change nothing in particular will find that the right things change. 32. Nobody’s perfukt. 33. Anyone who says this is just a warrant for defamation, touched me inappropriately when I was 7.