Faking It With Freestone: Political Philosophy

Here’s the scenario: you’re at a party and some pol-sci nerd, or B.Econ wonk busts out a libertarian screed that demolishes one of the many institutions you hold dear in your vaguely socialist, bourgeois, liberal outlook. It happens a lot and you might think it’s no place for the budding pseudo-intellectual to try and fake their way out. Wrong.

I love a challenge, as long as that challenge doesn’t involve time and effort dedicated to becoming genuinely learned.

The straightforward, trenchant arguments your opponent on the night makes against the welfare state, against workers’ unions, against Obama and against funding for the ABC will detonate inside any group of uni kids all pretending to be smarter than they are. But here’s your chance to impress that hipster boy/girl who’s there at the party, having their leftwing worldview shattered along with you.

All you need to do is point out that this market oriented libertarian view of the world is only for middle class, white men. Your opponent might not actually be white but they will always be male. There have never been any female libertarians and that includes Ayn Rand. Once the inescapable fact that the only people who buy this stuff are generally already successful and wholly male has been pointed out, the guy won’t be able to come back without saying something sexist. If they don’t, you’ve won the argument and possibly the phone number of that boy/girl with glasses, a scarf and cardigan. If they do resort to sexism, same result but you’ll probably be able to leverage some outrage at this dude’s sexism for at least a pash on the night.

N.B. They could counter by saying you’re making an ad hominem argument, which is basically one made against the person rather than their arguments. If they do, then you’re dealing with a rival faker. Freestone’s Thirteenth Rule says: nothing can beat an ad hominem argument, except calling out “ad hominem”, which is actually the ultimate ad hominem argument, because it attacks and discredits your opponent’s behaviour, thus sidelining their valid arguments.

If this happens you’ll just have to hope that you already did enough with your fairly obvious observation that an ideology centred on individualism is only popular with men.

This article originally appeared in Woroni in 2011.

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